I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
