booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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