I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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