Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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