Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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