You're my little dorito
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
