Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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