Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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