how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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