Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
