she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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