SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
