I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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