I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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