he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize