I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
