I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
