You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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