I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
