So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
