your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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