I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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