It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
