I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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