im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
