Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
