ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
