the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
