Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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