I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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