he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
