Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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