Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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