I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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