Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
honey bunches of taint.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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