yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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