my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
