just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this is an emotional support booty call
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
