I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
