haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
