go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
