I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
