Don't you send me to vm
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
