I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
