Just fell off a train. Bad.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
