evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
