Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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