Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she told me i tasted like america
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
