I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
