Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i need some magic done to my vagina
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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