He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
