So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
