He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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