thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
