You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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