I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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