u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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