Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
