I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
