your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I want a musical about memes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize