FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
