How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I forget how to act sober
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
