Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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