were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
