I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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