he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
