hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
