oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
