dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
