i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
