I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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