i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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