but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
